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Old 07-27-2004, 10:44 PM   #1
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Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

Flowers, $25—reluctant.

Wining and dining, $150—catastrophic.

Trying to get on first base—unobtainable.

For everything else, there is Masturbating.

—Jay London
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Old 09-08-2004, 09:50 PM   #2
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Re: Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

Food has replaced sex in my life, and now I can't get in my own pants.

—Jay London
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Old 08-01-2006, 11:39 PM   #3
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Re: Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

I don't have to worry about identity theft—nobody would want to be me.

—Jay London
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Old 08-01-2006, 11:40 PM   #4
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Re: Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

I'm on performance enhancing drugs so I may cause drowsiness.

—Jay London
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Old 08-01-2006, 11:42 PM   #5
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Re: Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

I'm using medicinal marijuana for constipation.

And my doctor told me to shit or get off the pot.

—Jay London
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Old 04-25-2008, 11:29 AM   #6
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Re: Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

—Jay London
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Old 08-19-2008, 11:49 AM   #7
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Re: Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

"I saw a stationery store move."

—Jay London
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Old 10-06-2008, 09:42 PM   #8
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Re: Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

Today I videotaped my hair, tonight I'm going to look at the highlights.

—Jay London
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Old 10-06-2008, 09:43 PM   #9
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Re: Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket - she said it fit my personality.

—Jay London
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Old 10-06-2008, 09:46 PM   #10
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Re: Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

I went to a pastry store and I bought lady fingers, and when I got home, I noticed that one of the fingers was missing.

So I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

—Jay London
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Old 10-06-2008, 09:46 PM   #11
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Re: Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

I bought hot pockets today and there was lint in them.

—Jay London
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Old 10-06-2008, 09:47 PM   #12
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Re: Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

You know, it was a year ago today?

—Jay London
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Old 10-06-2008, 09:49 PM   #13
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Re: Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

You know they have ribbed condoms now, and they come with a BBQ sauce?

—Jay London
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