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Old 09-30-2004, 01:53 PM   #1
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Steven Wright

"What's another word for Thesaurus?"
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:54 PM   #2
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Re: Steven Wright

"I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it."
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Old 02-07-2005, 06:41 PM   #3
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Re: Steven Wright

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:43 AM   #4
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Re: Steven Wright

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:44 AM   #5
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Re: Steven Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:45 AM   #6
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Re: Steven Wright

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:45 AM   #7
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Re: Steven Wright

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:46 AM   #8
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Re: Steven Wright

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:46 AM   #9
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Re: Steven Wright

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:46 AM   #10
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Re: Steven Wright

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:47 AM   #11
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Re: Steven Wright

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:47 AM   #12
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Re: Steven Wright

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?'
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:48 AM   #13
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Re: Steven Wright

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:48 AM   #14
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Re: Steven Wright

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:48 AM   #15
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Re: Steven Wright

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:49 AM   #16
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Re: Steven Wright

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep well?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:50 AM   #17
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Re: Steven Wright

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
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Old 06-30-2008, 09:54 AM   #18
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Re: Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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