Well, I'd like to leave you with a joke…

[Lecter]

Flowers, $25—reluctant.

Wining and dining, $150—catastrophic.

Trying to get on first base—unobtainable.

For everything else, there is Masturbating.

—Jay London

[Lecter]

Food has replaced sex in my life, and now I can't get in my own pants.

—Jay London

[Lecter]

I don't have to worry about identity theft—nobody would want to be me.

—Jay London

[Lecter]

I'm on performance enhancing drugs so I may cause drowsiness.

—Jay London

[Lecter]

I'm using medicinal marijuana for constipation.

And my doctor told me to shit or get off the pot.

—Jay London

[Lecter]

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

—Jay London

[Lecter]

"I saw a stationery store move."

—Jay London

[Lecter]

Today I videotaped my hair, tonight I'm going to look at the highlights.

—Jay London

[Lecter]

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket - she said it fit my personality.

—Jay London

[Lecter]

I went to a pastry store and I bought lady fingers, and when I got home, I noticed that one of the fingers was missing.

So I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

—Jay London

[Lecter]

I bought hot pockets today and there was lint in them.

—Jay London

[Lecter]

You know, it was a year ago today?

—Jay London

[Lecter]

You know they have ribbed condoms now, and they come with a BBQ sauce?

—Jay London